A Personal Account of Past Insanity

For me, my own past has always had a weird relationship with my present-day self. Whether it be confusion over dreams of nostalgia or the recurring nightmares of my own past sheer insanity, it's sometimes hard to grasp the history of my own brain.

I guess, if one were to sum up my childhood they could say it was a collection of the most blissfully tragic memories of terrorizing school days and complete loneliness mixed with an over abundance of joy and passion. I would jump from one end to the other, sometimes within minutes.

Eventually I began to socialize with others more normally at around the time of 7th grade. That's when I sort of began my friendship building (and destroying) and learning how to really hang out with other people.

Without getting into too much detail about the more terrorizing stages of my mental state through childhood, I want to instead address the lows of my past and how they may still be relevant to today... or tomorrow for that matter. I don't want to live in these extremes. The euphoria doesn't compensate for the anxiety and I rather live on the middle ground to where I currently feel most comfortable at, because indulging in moderation is truly the way to go.

This leads me to my next worrisome thought. How will I leave this world? Will I fall back into my early mayhem stages? Where will it all take me? Thinking back makes me realize how important people are to me. And honestly... sometimes I don't feel that way. Sometimes I think I have my head on backwards and I'm just emotionally cut off from the world. If this were ever the case though, I don't know if I'd be ready to handle it if it was even possible. I don't think I'm willing to experiment with this.